


Who I Really Am...

by Paige_Turner36



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 6x04 Fix-It, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anti-6A, Anti-Belle feelings I need to get off my chest, Anti-Heroes, Anti-Hook, Episode AU: s06e04 Strange Case, F/M, Fix-It, Romance, Rumple's tape, Self-Harm, Storybrooke (Once Upon a Time), True Love, anti-regina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-07-28 05:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16234913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paige_Turner36/pseuds/Paige_Turner36
Summary: 6x04 AU. Belle thinks she sees Rumple for who he really is? She’s wrong. Rumple sets out on a pilgrimage to prove to her and himself who he really is: a father who loves his son. But to truly be the man he once was he must regain a crucial part of himself he’s lost…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We all hated Season 6, most notably 6A, which actually managed to drag Rumbelle to lower than rock bottom. I always saw 6x04 as the Anti-The Outsider/Rumple version of Family Business and negates Rumple’s deal with Regina/the Evil Queen for her to leave Belle and their baby alone and the tape he gave to Belle. They even managed to use his haircut as something to stick the knife in. 
> 
> Hopefully this fixes what A&E took from us.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT. This is for fun and not for profit.

‘…I always see you for who you really are.’

How did they get here? How did his Belle go from seeing the man behind the beast, someone worth fighting for to someone nothing more than a worthless monster that would hurt her and the baby?

Everything they’d been through, everything he’s done for her, destroying the contract without hurting anyone and fighting to wake her from her self-inflicted sleeping curse (because no one else sure as hell cared!) and she would’ve willingly condemned herself and their child to that sleeping death forever than allow him to wake her with True Love’s Kiss. He would’ve given up his curse there and then, killed two birds with one stone, it would’ve been a fresh start – and it was working, it brought her memories back – but she’d stopped it. She’d believed the word of a man claiming to be her son as readily as she believed a dream telling her that he would destroy them.

How could she believe that? Their son was barely more than a cluster of cells, how could he form any kind of opinion of him? She would’ve believed any man claiming to be their son. And if he’d had the power to wake his mother why didn’t he do it sooner? He might’ve even been a representation of her own subconscious and woken herself up with self-love.

As for his hair, she was only half right. It wasn’t an act of vanity. He hadn’t done it thinking it’ll be a quick fix. Yes, he didn’t like himself when he looked in the mirror, but the way Belle had thrown his own insecurities back at him, the woman who claimed she loved him for his flaws, made them more real to him and more terrible. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself and then imagine the one person you love and trusted more than anyone, who not only thinks them too but actually uses them as reasons not to be with them.

_You can’t tell what’s in a person’s heart until you truly know them… You can’t judge someone without knowing their full story…_

You can’t judge a book by its cover, but despite knowing its contents, she still believed Gaston had more noble reason for moving on than killing her husband and thought he wasn’t worth her pushing Gaston into the River of Souls… just to save him.

Rumple turned to leave unable to bare her cold, contemptuous icy stare (so much like Milah’s) any longer. But then he stopped. _I always see you for who you really are_. If he walked away now he would only prove her right. That he was just a beast to her. A pathetic beast that needed to be put out of its misery.

Belle thought she knew him. She didn’t.

And he was going to prove it. To her and to himself.

‘No,’ said Rumple.

‘What?’ said Belle exasperatedly, wishing he would just leave.

Rumple turned back so sharply he made her jump and walked right up to her, his face set like stone. ‘You think you know me?’ he hissed. ‘Let’s find out.’

With a wave of his hand and cloud of red smoke Rumple transported them from the docks to an open field, where there was nothing but a blacksmiths workshop. And there, its handle resting against the iron anvil… was a sledgehammer.

Rumple walked over and picked it up.

‘Rumple, what’re you doing?’

He ignored her. He sat down on a wooden stool and with his free hand removed the shoe and sock of his right foot. The old scars stood out against his tanned skin, proof of his sacrifice for Bae. His heart was beating very fast, faster than it had the last time. But it needed to be done. He needed to remember.

‘Rumple?’

Belle approached him, frowning. Had she really not figured it out yet? Rumple took the hammer in both hands and raised it. He adjusted his foot to the right angle.

‘What’re you doing?’

But Rumple’s attention was focused on the lump of iron, heavier than the one he’d lifted a lifetime ago. Which meant this was really going to hurt. Even as he psyched himself up he couldn’t prevent a little whimper escaping. _For my boy_. He raised the hammer above his head –

Belle’s eyes widened in horror. ‘Stop – _NO!_ ’

Even as Belle ran forward Rumple swung the hammer with all the strength he possessed into his foot. A horrible crack cut the air like a gunshot, followed by a cry of pain. Belle’s hands flew to her mouth. The hammer fell with a clunk as Rumple crumpled to the ground, clutching his leg, howling in agony. Belle dropped to her knees beside him, oblivious to the mud. She gasped and clapped her hands to her mouth again. Blood soaked Rumple’s twisted foot and she could see splintered bone sticking out running all the way up his leg to his knee. The old wounds hand reopened and created new ones.

 

Rumple had almost forgotten the overwhelming pain of shattering his own foot. He must’ve blacked out for a moment. When he came to Belle was shaking his shoulder, his mobile pressed to her ear as an ambulance arrived. He couldn’t hear what Belle was saying, whether encouraging him to stay conscious, telling him everything was going to be okay or asking what the hell he’d done, and he didn’t care. All he could concentrate on was the blinding pain burning like fire and resisting the effects of any pain relief they were trying to administer him, by forcibly pulling away from the needles or IV line or, if he was unsuccessful, block the effects by magic. He needed the pain. All he wanted them to do was set his foot the right way round.

Belle joined him in the back of the ambulance as the paramedics gave Rumple something to bite on as they prepared to reset his leg. Rumple panted and whimpered, just wanting them to get it over with, gripping the edge of the stretcher. Belle made to take his hand but he snatched it away from her. He saw the shock and hurt through the haze of pain, but he felt no remorse. He didn’t want her pity, fake or genuine. The only reason she saved his life last time was guilt and because she wanted to score some points with the heroes, not because she cared about him. And if he had died, well that would’ve been another black mark on her personal record which, for all her self-propaganda, was embarrassing short. She only tried to save Anna because she was afraid that that act of cowardice would damage her reputation. At least when he let Bae go he regretted it instantly and dedicated his life to finding him. Belle just ran back home with her tail between her legs, didn’t even appeal to her father to help rescue her, and when he’d freed her from their deal she didn’t bother to find out the fate of her “friend”. Running never made anyone a hero, says the self-proclaimed hero who ran away from every confrontation they ever had.

And she dared to tell _him_ the coward?

_CRACK!_

Rumple’s screams were muffled by the thick stick in his mouth and couldn’t stop himself writhing in agony. The paramedic took advantage of his distraction to inject him with a sedative. The world turned fuzzy before he slipped into darkness.

 

He woke up in a hospital bed. He was alone; no doctors or nurses, no loved ones at his bedside waiting for him to wake up, not even a procession of the self-righteous heroes ready to make demands of him despite his pain. His leg was bound in a splint, suspended above his bed. Even he could tell that the reset was in the ambulance was only a patch job. No doubt they would need to put pins in it to ensure that it’ll heal properly. He wouldn’t have had access to this kind of medical care in the Enchanted Forest and even if he had he wouldn’t have been granted it. They would’ve left him crippled as punishment for his cowardice. And Rumple didn’t put himself through all this again just to have them heal it.

Rumple reached over and fiddled with the taps, lowering the level of morphine pumping into his system to zero. The pain returned to him with the force of… well, a sledgehammer. He pulled the tubes out of his arm and, hissing, lowered his leg from the strap. He braced himself, gripping the edge of the mattress with his hands and stood up. Pain burned through his foot like fire and he leaned against the bedside table to steady himself. _Breathe through the pain. Control the pain_. He leaned against the wall for support as he took his coat from the back of a chair and pulled it over his hospital gown. He wasn’t wearing any shoes, but that didn’t matter.

He crept out of the room walking purposefully, or as purposefully as he could with his limp, towards the exit. Nobody stopped him, the aura of the town monster Mr Gold and the Dark One and the fact that no one stopped people who knew where they were going protecting him.

He stumbled, bracing himself on a window. He looked through at the ward beyond and his blood turned cold.

*

Three days Rumple had been missing. Three days. How could they’ve just let him walk out of the hospital? It wasn’t as if they could use a tracking spell either; they couldn’t find items belonging to Rumple, like the doll (she could’ve woken Rumple from the coma sooner if she had) and when they had used Henry’s blood on the globe the image wouldn’t form, like someone was running interference. Even when they used a drop on a map of the town nothing happened. They only thing they knew for sure was that Rumple was still in Storybrooke. But wherever he was, he didn’t want to be found. Even Granny couldn’t pick up his scent.

Knowing that he would have to show up eventually Emma and the others had set up watches on the shop, his house, the cabin and Granny’s. If Rumple ever made an appearance they were the most likely places he would gravitate to.

Belle remained in the shop, the one bolt hole Rumple would surely come back to. His magic was here, treasures belonging to his son were here. Not that the magical items were of any use here. Rumple had taken precautions in his absence: no one could remove/steal anything not nailed down without experiencing a shock and they couldn’t pass over the threshold. The blood magic had been taken off the safe so they couldn’t use Henry to open it. The combination had been changed and despite Emma and Regina’s best efforts they couldn’t break through the protection spell placed upon it. No one was getting anything until Rumple returned.

_If_ he returned.

Belle couldn’t call him because he’d left his phone behind. She’d even tried saying his name three times but he didn’t appear. He was avoiding her. He’d walked out of the hospital on a shattered ankle just to get away from her. But who was she to talk? Hiding on the ship of his enemy, the same ship (she remembered with a jolt) where Hook had stolen his first wife Milah, where he’d mocked a lame Rumple for not picking up the sword to fight for his wife.

Hook had said that this was just a stunt, that Rumple was looking for sympathy or attention, hoping Belle would come back to him. But Belle didn’t think so. She couldn’t get the image of Rumple’s twisted foot out of her head. If Rumple had wanted his limp back he would’ve removed the healing spell on it. It took a lot of courage for a man to do this to themselves; to swing a heavy lump of iron and shatter your own ankle. But the last time Rumple had done it to get back to his son Baelfire. What did he hope to gain for doing it now?

Unless that was the point?

It started to rain during the night and by the fourth day after Rumple’s disappearance raindrops the size of bullets fell in thick curtains over the town. People mad enough to venture out into this monsoon the deluge splashed hurriedly to their destinations, emerging on the other side looking as though they’d swum there. The storm clouds were so thick and dark that the lamps were lit.

Belle poured over Henry’s storybook hoping to find some clue as to where Rumple might be. It wasn’t a very long book. If it continued every detail of life before the Dark Curse it would be thicker than the Harry Potter books combined. And some pages were missing, not including the ones Henry removed himself to stop Regina finding out Emma was the Saviour. The little of Rumple that was in here Belle was surprised that Henry hadn’t figured out who Mr Gold’s real identity was. Though when you’re only concentrating on your mother’s side of the family tree you tend to miss things.

She saw Peter Pan, formerly known as Malcolm, giving baby Rumplestiltskin his name in hate for the death of his mother, watched on by the Blue Fairy and an unknown Red Fairy who looked deeply troubled by the proceedings.

Then the moment Malcolm threw his son off him in favour of eternal youth and no responsibilities: “I have to let go of the one thing that’s holding me back… you.”

Milah telling Rumple he should’ve died. Rumple forced to tell his son his mother was dead.

Baelfire (Belle felt sick) ordering his father to kill Beowulf and Rumple sacrificing his son’s love for his father to stop him from falling into darkness.

Cora breaking Rumple’s heart after tricking him into changing the contract.

Anna commanding him with the dagger after blindly entering into a deal without reading it, and fueling his hate and desire to be free of the damn blade.

The Black Fairy – his mother – throwing him to the ground after showing no remorse for the baby she never named.

“BECAUSE NO ONE, NO ONE COULD EVER, EVER LOVE ME!” Rumple screamed as memories of Milah and Cora and the realisation that it was only because of Regina that Belle came back at all broke his already shattered heart.

Then Rumple setting the chipped cup in place of the Holy Grail in wake of her “death” and breaking down at the loss.

_No one knows anything about my pain_.

And no one did. They had never known, never bothered to find out, too wrapped up in their own problems to notice. They were so worried about Regina backsliding through grief and setback they had forgotten to take care of Rumple. Perhaps they thought he was fine because he had Belle – meaning they could pass him off as Belle’s problem.

She didn’t think anyone saw Rumplestiltskin as a being with feelings as acute as a humans.

How easy they forget that Rumple was cursed; cursed with an entity of darkness that could think for itself, that took root inside of you, that knew your greatest fears and twisted them.

When Emma and Hook were the Dark Ones: “it wasn’t their fault, they were cursed.” When it was Rumple: “he’s evil, he deserves to die… he’s a beast.”

Belle turned the pages on Rumple’s broken face – the soul of the spinner shining through the mask of the curse – unable to bare his pain any longer. Was it any wonder Rumple felt so unloved? That he didn’t believe love, happiness would last, that when he let his guard down and trusted others – those who claim to love him – they betray him. They abandoned him. Was it any wonder he sort solace in the one thing that had protected him, that had protected his loved ones, provided for others, the one constant that had never left him, the only one who’d have him: his curse.

Belle looked down at the page she’d landed on. It was a picture of Rumple after he’d broken his foot. He was limping in the pouring rain, his once long hair blowing in the wind, his right leg bound in a splint, leaning heavily on a wooden staff as he battled the elements and the pain to get home to his wife and the son the seer said would be waiting for him. Even in this picture Belle saw Rumple’s eyes burning with determination to return to his family who needed him. The brave heart of the spinner before Milah crushed his soul, before Cora broke his heart, before Belle left him out in the cold having reduced him to dust. The man who walked for three days on a broken foot, refused help and lodgings, come hell or high water, he was going to get back to his son.

_Three days?_

Belle gasped. She knew where he was! She grabbed the keys to the Cadillac, hurried out into the rain and started up the engine. The windscreen wipers beat frantically to keep her view clear as she drove through the rain swept town at a speed that would’ve earned her a massive fine.

She wasn’t heading for the well. Granny had confirmed that no one had been there. Rumple wouldn’t go back there. Why would he? The well, once their special place; the place they were reunited properly after the curse broken, the place where they were married, was now tainted. Now it was the place where Belle had broken Rumple’s heart. Twice. The first having been duped into being Regina’s puppet and leverage, being made to say all those hurtful things to Rumple after he’d laid himself bare to her and then made to forget so that she couldn’t help him. The second, despite being given the choice of not coming if she didn’t want to be with him should he survive his duel with Hook, had shown up anyway to a delighted Rumple only to tell him that she needed to protect her heart. She could still see his face now; that crushing disappointment. How could he not? Hadn’t she told him earlier that “it’s never too late”? Hadn’t she worked tirelessly to wake him from his coma? Hadn’t Rumple become the hero she always knew was inside him, the hero she always wanted him to be – not just a hero, the purest who ever lived? And she still didn’t want him. She could’ve said she needed time (she was still missing six weeks worth of memories), but no, she said she didn’t know.

Who wouldn’t be hurt after being strung along like that? To say one thing when they mean another. To raise their hopes only to dash them. To promise them joy and then break their hearts.

Why else would Rumple send her off to see the world? He was not only saving her, but giving her the life she wanted, knowing she wouldn’t come back. Alone and about to die, about to be dragged back to the Underworld, with a get out of jail free card presented to him, who wouldn’t grab it? She was gone, she didn’t want him, what did he have to lose?

There was only one place Rumple could be. And it only proved that they didn’t really know him at all.

Belle stopped the car and looked out over the lines of gravestones. She gasped at the sight of her Rumple. In the thick downpour of rain he might’ve been mistaken for a statue, staring down at his son’s grave. Belle didn’t bother to reach for an umbrella, but threw open the car door and splashed out to meet him, nearly slipping on the wet grass.

Rumple looked so much worse at close quarters, gripping a broken tree branch he’d fashioned into a walking stick. His coat was wet through and the pale blue hospital gown beneath it was sticking to his skin. He wasn’t wearing any shoes and his right leg was a bloody mess. He was so pale and his lips so blue that Belle knew that, had it not been for his curse, he would not be standing here alive right now. But it was his eyes that made her frightened for him. There was no light in them, no warmth, no twinkle, no life. They didn’t look despondent. There was nothing there. Like the shutters had been closed on them.

He didn’t acknowledge her presence. She didn’t think he even knew she was there. He just stood there, so still, so solemn, so… unlike himself. And he was all alone. Rain dripping off his nose, his slightly pointy ears, staring at the words _Neal Cassidy, Beloved Son_.

She couldn’t bear to see him like this a moment longer.

‘Are you insane?’

She gripped his arm. He didn’t even flinch.

‘Come on,’ she urged, tugging on his arm, leaning down to try and meet his eyes, but he still wouldn’t acknowledge her. It’s like he’s in some kind of trance, under some spell she had no power to break. ‘Do you want to freeze to death?’ she cried, feeling at one both determined and helpless. If she can’t get him to move…

‘ _Please_.’ Belle cupped his cheeks, that felt like blocks of ice under her hands, and rubbed her thumbs under his dead eyes, trying to wake him. Trying to bring him back.

She didn’t know how many minutes she spent wiping away raindrops (and tears?), talking to him, trying to get him to hear her… but at last, he lifted his gaze to meet hers.

‘Belle…’ The way he said her name and the way he was looking at her made her heart plummet for a different reason. He was watching her as though he didn’t really believe she was here. Worried about him.

‘Come on,’ Belle begged him, seizing his shoulders, pulling to lead him away, yet despite only being a few inches taller than her and slender, he was deceptively strong. With or without magic, she was no match for his strength. The only way he would leave is if he wants to. And he _had_ to want to; she _needed_ him to want to. They’d come too far to lose hope now.

Belle reached up to cup his cheek again, now that he’d come back to himself. This time, the instant her hand splayed against his skin, Rumple shut his eyes, leaning slightly into her hand, savouring her touch as much as she was savouring her Rumple coming back to life again.

‘Please, Rumple,’ Belle breathed.

When Rumple opened his eyes again, they looked more like the ones she remembers, filled with tenderness and uncommon agony. Oh, how she missed those eyes.

‘You c… You’re here.’ His voice was rough and hoarse from disuse but still filled with awe. And a little confused.

‘Of course I’m here. How long have you been out here?’

‘I… I don’t know,’ he answered despondently. He looked up at the dark sky, raindrops hitting his face. ‘It’s still raining,’ he commented.

Belle gasped in horror, her worst fears confirmed. She was considering giving him a full admonishment when he started to move. Then she realised he was removing his coat to give to her to protect her from the rain. Any other time Belle would’ve been flattered at his chivalry, but this was no time to be a gentleman. He was already cold and underdressed for the harsh cold Maine weather.

‘Stop. What’re you doing?’

‘You’ll get cold,’ Rumple insisted.

‘So will you – you’re freezing!’

‘You’re pregnant!’

Belle squashed down the feeling of guilt at risking hers and their baby’s health. ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s wet through anyway.’

Rumple desisted in his attempts to give her his sodden coat.

‘Let’s get back to the car. You’re frozen. And your leg–’

‘I don’t feel it,’ said Rumple dully. ‘I don’t feel anything.’

‘Let’s just get out of this rain. Lean on me, Rumple.’

He didn’t. Leaning on his staff he limped in step beside her back to the car. Belle retrieved a tartan blanket from the boot and wrapped him up so tightly that he felt like a bug in a rug. Then she turned the heaters up at full blast to warm them up. He wouldn’t look at her, just staring at the floor.

‘So what’s happened now?’ Rumple asked.

‘Sorry?’ Belle asked.

‘What disaster has befallen Storybrooke that they need me to fix for them now?’

‘You think that’s the only reason I’m here?’

‘Why else would you be here? No one comes to see me unless they want something. “Dear Rumple, please will you fix it for me to give me back my hand so I can get my leg over the Saviour”. “Dear Rumple, please will you fix it for me to save the life of an outsider who will expose us to the world”. “Dear Rumple, please will you fix it for me and stop Hades because I fucked up”. “Dear Rumple, please will you help me destroy the contract and wake me from the sleeping curse so I can cut and run with our baby”.’

The worst of it was Rumple didn’t sound angry, spiteful or resentful when he said it. He sounded sad, tired.

‘I was worried about you. You smashed in your foot with a hammer, you wandered out of the hospital, you disappeared – you expect me to just accept that?’ Belle looked down at his mangled leg. ‘Why did you walk out like that?’

Rumple glanced at his foot. ‘It needed breaking in.’

‘You walked for three days on a broken foot?’

‘It took me three days to get home to my boy…’

‘I know. I read the book.’

‘So I did it in four.’

‘ _Four_ days? Weren’t you in pain?’

Rumple looked at Belle as though she was the one who was insane. ‘I shattered my ankle. Every step feels like there’s broken glass under my skin. Of course it hurts. That’s the point. I need the pain. I need my limp back.’

‘Why?’

‘To remind me. To hold me to the mark. It reminds me I used to be human. It’s why I didn’t heal my leg when I brought magic to Storybrooke. I kept my limp to remind me who I was and who I’m fighting for. To remind me of my purpose. Every step is a constant reminder. So I don’t forget. I’m Rumplestiltskin and I love my family. I would do anything to protect them, to keep them safe.’

He had done it to remind himself of the man he used to be. Just as he had recreated their first kiss in the Dark Castle to remind her of their love so he could wake her, he had recreated the moment he’d sacrificed everything for his son so as to prevent his son from growing up without a father. To do it once was brave indeed, but to do it to himself a second time was damned heroic.

‘Why did you cut your hair?’ Belle asked softly.

The little colour Rumple had regained drained from his face. He looked up with the saddest expression she’d ever seen. She immediately wished she hadn’t asked, but she had to ask. It was her making assumptions about Rumple that got them here in the first place.

‘I want to say I felt like a change.’

‘Go no,’ Belle prompted gently.

‘It was self-mutilation,’ Rumple said miserably. ‘I thought if I cut away pieces of myself, the parts you didn’t like, maybe I could find something worth loving. That’s when I realised; how can I when I never loved myself? If I hadn’t stopped myself I would’ve shorn the whole thing off. If nothing else I hoped you would see I was trying to change.’

Belle felt horrified. It wasn’t just a cry for help, it was self-destruction. She remembered her own cruel words on the docks and no amount of wishing could undo what she’d said. Rumple had hated himself and she had only told him he should. Rumple looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror, running a hand ruefully through his short hairs.

‘You hate it.’

‘I never said that.’ Belle ran her hand through it herself. ‘I’m just so used to you with long hair.’

She missed the floof, missed that she could spend forever running her fingers through his soft shaggy hair. But it didn’t make him look any less handsome. If anything it intensified it. Without the curtains of hair hiding him she could see his high cheekbones, his pixie ears that she just wanted to nibble and it enhanced his beautiful brown eyes, making them the first thing you noticed.

‘It suits you. It–’

‘I know, it highlights my eyes,’ said Rumple wirily. ‘Regina’s already said. Twice.’

‘Actually, I was going to say it makes you look younger. More handsome.’

‘I look like a hedgehog.’

Belle smiled. ‘I love hedgehogs.’

‘Just not hedgehogs called Rumple.’ That wiped the smile from her face. Rumple pulled his hand free of the tangle of blankets. ‘Like the rose I gave you,’ he said conjuring a red one in his hand, ‘it is pretty to look at, but its thorns are… painful to touch.’ He crushed it in his hand, blood trickled down his wrist where the thorns pierced his palm.

Belle swallowed. Was he being metaphorical? Was she the rose whose thorns had caused him pain? ‘You hate me, don’t you?’ she asked sadly.

Rumple sighed heavily, deflated like an old tyre. ‘No. I hate the man in the mirror. I hate I can’t make you happy anymore. I hate that my son isn’t even formed yet and he hates me. I hate you trust the man who shot you, the woman who has and keeps using you as a pawn, the woman who killed my son, the heroes who sold you and our baby out to Hyde and the word of a dream more than you trust me. I hate that I thought cutting my hair would change anything. And I hate that you have to sit here listening to me giving you more reasons to despise me and wonder why you shouldn’t just kick my pathetic arse out of this car and leave me to wallow in my self-pity. _I hate my very existence_ –’

Rumple covered his eyes with his hand as he shook with violent, silent sobs. Belle’s heart broke for him. Never had she met anyone so self-loathing, so without hope as Rumple. He hadn’t dared hope that Belle had come back for him. The last time he did, when he’d been dying and struggling to keep hold of his humanity, she’d come back only to kick me when he was down. And at the well, she had come back only to tell him he was surplus to requirements. And the worst of it was he didn’t even hold her accountable. Regina blamed everybody else for her unhappiness, including the Evil Queen like she was a separate entity that made her do all those evil things. Her own personal Dark One. Rumple took all the blame onto himself, including the blame of others, never once blaming it on his curse.

Belle had always wondered what Mr Gold’s first name had been (Rumple had jested that it had been Barbara because Mr Gold never had one, adding to the mystery of him). But Belle felt she knew now. Grant. The perfect name. The man she took for granted.

‘What have we done to each other?’ Belle asked tearfully. ‘What have I done to you?’

Rumple raised his head, eyes red, face wet, completely bewildered.

‘Belle–’

‘Don’t you dare,’ she said quietly. ‘Don’t you dare look at me as if I’m innocent in all this, like I’ve suffered a fraction of what you have, Rumple.’

‘My choices were my own. I decided to take the hammer to crush my foot–’

‘Because I made you think you had something to prove! And you have proved it, many times! You gave your life for us! You took on a bear for me! Whenever there’s a problem who’s the first person we turn to? You. You’ve helped us, saved us over a thousand times. When was the last time someone thanked you? Really thanked you?’

‘Who wants to thank the man who holds their life in their hands? I’m used to it.’

‘You shouldn’t have to be used to it. Point is, you’ve tried to be everything for me, Rumple, you’ve done everything I’ve asked of you, and I made you feel like nothing. That’s the real reason you took the curse back. It was all you had left. I made you feel that way.’

‘I hurt you.’

‘I needed time, and Emma had stolen my six weeks of time in Camelot, but I shouldn’t have phrased it the way I did. And I’ve hurt you too, Rumple. I contributed too. A relationship’s never one-sided. In the end I’m no different than Milah or Cora. God, I’m no better than Zelena. What’s so different about me?’

‘Because I love you,’ said Rumple softly. Belle stared at him. ‘You’re nothing like them, Belle, and yes, you’re not the first woman I’ve loved. But you are the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with. With Milah, at best all we had was affection that died the second I returned home the village coward. With Cora it was lust, we brought out the darkness in each other, but she loved power more. And Zelena was an obsessive overemotional toddler who doesn’t like being told “no”. But you? I don’t know when it was… the moment I fell in love with you… when you chipped my teacup and was afraid you’d upset me… when you hugged me in Sherwood Forest after I spared Robin Hood’s life… when you said you were glad I wasn’t the monster you thought I was… when I caught you after you pulled the curtains down and let the light in… You were the only one who treated me like a real person. Who loved the parts of me I hated. Then somewhere along the road that changed. When I was curseless, a hero, the best version of myself, the man you wanted and always knew I was… and I still was enough. And I’ll never be good enough. I don’t hate you, Belle. Even when I wanted to. I hate that I still love you.’

‘So you wouldn’t… cut away your feelings for me? Erase your pain.’

‘I don’t want my pain erased. Pain and loss define us as much as happiness and love. It hurt that Dreamy’s boss and that blue gnat made him break his fairy lover’s heart. But without that pain he wouldn’t be Grumpy. We’ve already got the Evil Queen running around. Even I wouldn’t be selfish enough to unleash the Dark One because I want to take the easy way out. There are no shortcuts, no quick fixes, no do-overs. Chasing an Author because life is unfair, cutting away your natural darkness because you have no self-control isn’t heroic, it means you’re too weak to be good. And you’re all so afraid of her going Evil Queen on you that you indulge her. And the Evil Queen still got out. You are your problem, but you are also your solution.’

Belle’s phone began to ring and, speak of the devil, it was Regina.

‘You should answer it. It might be important.’

Yes, all their problems seemed to be more important than hers. None of them lifted a finger to help her save Rumple, even when it would’ve benefitted them too. If it were to help her work against him that was a different story. Wasn’t that why Hook was so keen to help her by hiding on his ship? And she forgave him, but Hook wasn't sorry he hurt her, he just wanted to ease his own guilt, whilst having the pleasure of hurting Rumple at the same time.

Belle cancelled the call and switched off her phone. ‘I’m busy,’ she said flatly, starting up the car.

‘Where are we going?’ Rumple asked, surprised and confused. Belle never refused help.

‘Hospital. We need to get you cleaned up and… I have an appointment. A sonogram.’

‘Is the baby okay?’ said Rumple anxiously.

‘He’s fine. It’s just a routine check-up.’ Belle hesitated. ‘Will you please come with me?’

Rumple swallowed. ‘If you want me to.’

Belle nodded. ‘I do. It’s your baby too.’

‘Thank you.’

They smiled tentatively. Then blinked as sunlight hit them in the eyes. When had it stopped raining? The previously dark murky sky was clear and blue, not a cloud in sight. Belle drove them back. To cover up the awkward silence she stuck a tape in, which just so happened to be the one Rumple gave her. She’d wanted to hear his voice during the days he’d been missing, whether he was reciting Sleep Well and Love You Forever for their baby or reading from the phone book. Rumple’s calm rhythmic voice soothed her.

It was then that she realised there were two sides to the tape. The music they danced to on their honeymoon began to play, followed by Rumple’s voice.

‘For my wife…

_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,_  
_or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off._  
_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_  
_in secret, between the shadow and the soul._

_I love you as the plant that never blooms_  
_but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;_  
_thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,_  
_risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._  
_I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;_  
_so I love you because I know no other way_  
_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_  
_so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_  
_so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

*Music*

_O my luve is like a red, red rose,_  
_That's newly sprung in June:_  
_O my luve is like the melody,_  
_That's sweetly played in tune._

_As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,_  
_So deep in luve am I;_  
_And I will luve thee still, my dear,_  
_Till a' the seas gang dry._

_Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,_  
_And the rocks melt wi' the sun;_  
_And I will luve thee still my dear,_  
_While the sands o' life shall run._

_And fare thee weel, my only luve!_  
_And fare thee weel a while!_  
_And I will come again, my luve,_  
_Tho' it were ten thousand mile.'_

The music faded as Rumple finished reciting the verses he’d chosen to convey his love for her. His voice was thick with emotion, his brogue more prominent, not just reading the words but feeling them. He truly believed what he was saying. That he loved her and would love her still. Belle was so overwhelmed she had to pull over to compose herself. Rumple was watching her anxiously. He whimpered in dismay at her tears that the tape had caused – that he had caused – and reached up to wipe them away. The tender action only increased the flow of tears. Belle threw her arms around him and hugged him. Rumple hesitated for a moment then returned the embrace, all but crushing her to him.

They stayed like that for a long while, neither speaking, nor questioning the subtext of the hug, just focusing on the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: Rumbelle sonogram and what Rumple did…
> 
>  
> 
> Rumple’s tape side A:
> 
> Sleep Well by Murdoch Maclean
> 
> Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
> 
>  
> 
> Rumple’s tape side B:
> 
> One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII By Pablo Neruda 
> 
> A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns
> 
> Bonnie = beautiful  
> Gang = to go


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! It’s my birthday today. My 28th. The age of the Saviour.
> 
> Hope you like it.

They arrived at the hospital. Rumple was taken away to have his leg seen to and Belle was directed upstairs to the gynaecology for her scan. Before they parted ways they saw a little girl and her parents at the reception desk, discharging their daughter. The poor thing looked no older than four or five, holding her mother’s hand, the other sucking her thumb, whilst hugging her stuffed white rabbit and looking very keen to leave this place. But when she glanced over at them her face lit up. She took her thumb out of her mouth, beamed a big uplifting smile as only a child could bring and waved animatedly. It was only when Belle looked round and saw that it was Rumple she was waving at. Rumple looked startled and a little frightened.

No one ever smiled when they saw Rumplestiltskin. No one waved in greeting. No one ever looked happy to see him.

Nervously Rumple lifted his hand in return greeting and offered a weak smile, looking as though he hoped he didn’t make things worse and frighten her. The girl beamed at him, hugging her bunny closer, looking at Rumple with adoration. Her parents led her away, unaware of the exchange of greeting. Had they’d seen they would’ve ushered her out a lot more quickly. The girl waved goodbye to Rumple and skipped away. Belle looked at Rumple, who was watching the happy child leave, rubbing his thumb against his index finger as he always did when he was nervous and not quite sure what to do in unfamiliar situations. Like being shown affection.

Belle sat on top of the bed waiting for Rumple and the doctor to arrive. She looked around the room at the posters showing the stages of the baby’s growth during pregnancy and at the machine that would show her a picture of their son growing inside of her. All this made their lives back in the Enchanted Forest look so medieval. Back in the day she would’ve called this magic. She wouldn’t have known the sex of the baby until the actual birth, if she hadn’t invested in a gypsy medallion first. And as for the actual labour, there would’ve been no pain relief.

She checked her messages and listened to what Regina had to say.

_‘Belle, where the hell are you? Your Gold problem’s going to have to wait; that damn Evil Queen’s stolen my hearts. Call me back as soon as you get this.’_

Her _Gold problem_? They really didn’t see Rumple as family at all, but a problem – _her_ problem. Belle angrily stabbed the red button and buried her phone in her bag, refusing to listen to the other messages. She would not leave Rumple, nor would she rush her appointment to answer their summons like some dog.

There was a soft knock on the door.

‘Come in.’

The door opened a little and Rumple answered, ‘Am I okay to come in?’

Belle smiled. ‘Yes, I’m fully dressed.’

Rumple stepped into the room. He was wearing the clothes he’d been wearing when he was first brought in. His leg was bandaged and set with a more sturdy splint. He was leaning on an aluminium crutch.

‘It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.’

‘It’s not on offer to me anymore.’

They were so close yet it was like they were standing at opposite ends of a ravine. Rumple still didn’t feel he was welcome or wanted here. Like being at a party where you know you’re not invited no matter how polite people are.

Rumple looked around the room. ‘Where’s the doctor?’

‘Not here yet. But they’re left the clinic open for me, so we’ve got all day.’

Rumple nodded, but remained standing in the middle of the room, leaning on his crutch.

‘Who was the girl?’ Belle asked.

‘A patient.’

‘I know that. I mean who do you know her?’

‘I don’t know her.’

‘She seemed to know you. She waved at you.’

‘We met only once.’

‘You obviously made quite an impression.’

Rumple shifted embarrassedly. ‘What did Regina want?’

‘She said the Evil Queen’s broken into her vault.’

‘You mean Regina has entered her own vault.’

‘She’s stolen her hearts. I hate to think what she’ll do to those poor people. She could be raising an army.’

‘She isn’t,’ said Rumple quietly.

‘How do you know?’

Rumple took a deep breath. ‘Because I took them.’ He flinched as if a bullet had narrowly missed him. ‘Forgive me. This is usually the part where people jump to conclusions.’

Belle moistened her lips. ‘I’m hoping there’s an explanation.’

‘When I left the hospital, I stumbled across a children’s ward… Sister Astrid was reading the last rites to a child. The girl we saw in the lobby. Alice. She needed a heart transplant, as did the other children on the ward. They didn’t have long. They needed hearts… and I knew someone had hearts going spare.’

‘But Regina’s vault’s magically sealed.’

‘I taught Regina, I know her style. And her other half recently paid me a visit, so a piece of Regina’s hair was to hand to get past her blood magic. I brought the hearts to the ward, we summoned those who were missing their hearts and returned them. And for those that had… no _body_ to go with, Sister Astrid checked who they originally belonged to with her magic – couldn’t very well give an innocent child the heart of a murderer, could I? – and… we gave them to the children.’

Belle looked astonished. ‘You saved the children.’

‘My first act of Dark One was to save the children of the Frontlands, don’t look so surprised.’

‘I’m not,’ said Belle hastily. ‘Why you? Regina should’ve returned the hearts she took, why did it have to be you?’

‘Who do you think taught her to rip out hearts in the first place? Regina would’ve always become the Evil Queen, I only helped. Nothing I can do will ever make up for my part in what she became, but it’s a start.’

‘Why didn’t you say something before?’

‘I asked them not to. They don’t anyone who the organ donor was and Sister Astrid and I don’t tell Nurse Ratched we let them have ice cream before their dinner. And I didn’t want you to get the wrong.’

‘What’s the wrong idea?’

‘That I only did it to get back into your good books.’

‘I wouldn’t have thought that.’

‘Why not? Perfectly reasonable assumption, given our last encounter. Wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. I can’t do right for doing wrong lately. I only seem to make an impression on you when my life or soul is in danger.’

The door opened at that moment and Nurse Ratched stuck her head in. Belle froze at the sight of her. After twenty eight years of being poked and prodded by needles she was still nervous about being alone with this woman. The only good it did was it caused Rumple to move closer to the bed, placing himself protectively in front of Belle. He’d die before he let anyone hurt her.

‘Yes?’ said Rumple curtly.

‘I’ve been asked to let you know that the doctor’s on the way. They’re just finishing up with another patient,’ said Nurse Ratched.

‘Fine. Thank you,’ said Belle.

‘Good day, Miss French.’

Belle’s heart sank and her stomach shrivelled up. French. Not Gold. She couldn’t remember what name she’d put down when she’d made the appointment. Oh Gods, what would Rumple think? That this was her baby and hers alone? Rumple didn’t say anything, but his back was tense, the knuckles gripping the crutch were white and though his face was expressionless she could see the pain in his eyes of her having dropped her married name. She could practically see the distance between them had just got wider.

‘What’s his name?’ Rumple asked. He turned to look at her, his eyes over bright. ‘Belle, what’s our son’s name?’

‘I can’t tell you,’ said Belle.

Rumple looked as though she’d struck him. ‘Belle, please,’ he pleaded tearfully. ‘I’ll give you anything –’

He thought she wanted to make a deal. Like she was holding their baby’s name to ransom and hastened to correct him.

‘No, Rumple, no. I can’t tell you because I don’t know. I wanted us to choose it together.’

Rumple relaxed a little. ‘You must have some ideas in the pipeline?’

Belle sighed and shook her head. ‘I’ve looked through the whole baby name book. None of them feel right. I was hoping for your input. What would you like our son to be called?’

‘Not after someone who’s died. I’m sorry, I know it’s honouring them, but that’s too much pressure to put on a wee bairne. Neal, Robin – they will spend the rest of their lives living up to their namesake. Afraid to disappoint, afraid to fail, afraid they’ll never be good enough. No one should have to live like that.’

‘Is that what I did to you?’

‘When it comes to love you set the bar pretty high. How could I ever live up to your expectations?’

‘Rumple, I never wanted you to be perfect. I only wanted you to be you.’

‘No you didn’t, you wanted me to be _him_!’ Rumple snapped. He looked away. ‘I’ve been trying to win your approval. But now I realise I’m never going to get it, because I’m not him. No matter what I do, I’ll always be competing with your first love.’

‘You’re my first love. Who are you talking about?’

‘You had your arms round him.’

‘What?’

‘When you thought I’d forsaken you and not answered your call for help, you were hugging him so tight it’s like you were wishing he’d leap from the pages and save you.’

‘My book?’

‘You wanted the brave handsome hero who defeated the evil sorcerer. Instead you got latched to the evil sorcerer.’ Rumple met her gaze. ‘Would you rather that? If you ask it of me, Belle, I’ll become Gideon. I’ll absorb the words of Her Handsome Hero and become the man you always wanted.’

He was talking about rewriting himself again, though instead of the Light One, the hero corrupted for Isaac’s evil purposes, he was literally going to turn himself into the character Gideon. ‘You would do that to yourself?’

‘I said I would change everything for you, Belle. I’d hoped you would break my curse when I tried to wake you. But you wanted neither the man nor the beast. If this is what it takes to make you happy, I’ll do it. What can’t Gideon give you?’

‘Love,’ said Belle resolutely. ‘You and Gideon are alike; you both fight for the people you love, whatever it takes, even sacrifice yourself. Except his true love is Alma. He won’t love me. And if he’s not you, then I don’t want him to. You were right about me: I read too many books. They’ve really messed me up.’

‘I was an arse back then. You were right about why Robin Hood took the wand. And you were right about me.’

‘But there was a part of me that thought I got it wrong. I let him go and he stole the wand. What if I really was a foolish gullible girl? But that’s just me: I think life’s one big fairytale and when it doesn’t end happily ever after I can’t handle it.’

‘Life isn’t black and white. The Charmings have slain knights in battle, does that make them murderers? Robin Hood robbed from the rich, he may have given it to the poor, but he’s still a thief. Every deal I’ve ever made to secure the heroes happy endings, they used my dark magic to get it. Can they still be called heroes? It’s all about perspective. Good isn’t really good, bad isn’t really wrong. There’s always shades of grey.’

Rumple frowned as he noticed redness on Belle’s wrist. ‘Belle, what is that?’

Belle jumped and pointlessly tried to cover the burn with her other hand. ‘It’s nothing.’

‘It’s not nothing; it’s a side effect.’

There was no point arguing. ‘Is this the part where you say “I told you so”?’

‘I don’t really need to when there’s a great big burn doing it for me. My only question is, are there any more?’

Belle shook her head. Rumple reached into his pocket and pulled out a charm with a crescent moon on it; the very charm he’d given to Henry.

‘Here. Wear this while you’re sleeping. It won’t stop you going to the flaming room, but until they fade you’ll be able to control your actions in the dream.’

‘No price?’

Rumple sighed and placed the charm on her bedside table slightly harder than he’d intended. Once again he’d tried to help, tried to get through to her and once again she’d shut him down and treated him like everyone else. She took it and clipped it on.

‘Thank you,’ she said weakly, even though she knew it was too late.

‘It’s what I’m here for.’

The silence stretched on until it became unbearable.

‘Rumple –’

‘Do you want me back?’ said Rumple bluntly.

‘What?’

‘Do you want me back? Just so I know I’m not wasting my heart and my time. If there’s no hope for my love tell me now. I don’t want you fobbing me off because you can’t say no. I don’t want to be hurt again.’

‘That’s the last thing I want to do.’

‘Likewise. I love you, Belle. I want to be your husband. I want to be a good father to our baby. I want us to be a family. But if you won’t trust me and you don’t fancy me, I’m never going to be, am I? I can’t come back if you won’t let me.’

‘Would… would you keep doing what you’re doing? Regardless of how I feel?’

Belle needed to know. Rumple said he didn’t save those children to impress her, but if she told him that they would never get back together, would that knock him back into a dark depression spiral.

‘Yes,’ said Rumple quietly. ‘I have a lot to atone for. Who knows, maybe over time my acts of good will be enough to kill the Dark One on its own. And if I die with it? Then I get what’s coming. I can’t ruin our son’s life if I’m dead.’

‘But he’ll grow up not knowing what a wonderful man his father is. A father who always puts his family first. Who saved the lives of children, not for personal gain or ego but because no parent should go through the loss of a child. Once again you were truly selfless. You always were, even when you were the Dark One.’

Belle took his hand and squeezed it.

‘I’m glad you’re with me, Rumple.’

Rumple didn’t know what to say. Fortunately he was spared answering by the door opening and a soft voice saying, ‘Am I interrupting?’

Instead of Dr Whale a young woman entered. She had long brown hair and bright green eyes. She wore a gold necklace of two golden frogs facing each other, shaking hands. The left frog’s eye was set with a ruby and the right frog’s an emerald.

‘Hello Belle,’ said the doctor, smiling. ‘I’m Dr Lily Pond. I’ll be doing your ultrasound.’ She looked at Rumple and smiled, holding out her hand. ‘You must be the daddy.’

Rumple nodded, smiling nervously and shook her hand. Like little Alice, Lily Pond didn’t look remotely afraid of him and there was no pretence in showing Rumple he was welcome.

‘I thought –’ said Belle. ‘I’m sorry, I was expecting –’

‘Dr Whale?’ said Dr Pond amused. ‘We do have more than one doctor at this hospital. And considering the last two pregnancies have ended with him being thrown against a wall, I think he’s afraid of a repeat performance. Don’t worry; I’ve delivered many babies in my time. But if you’re not happy with me?’ She looked between the two of them.

‘No, we’re very happy,’ said Rumple quickly, surprising himself as much as the two women. ‘You can’t judge a person until you truly know them.’

Belle’s faced warmed at that.

‘Thank you, Mr Gold. Have you heard about the children from the Butterfly Ward? All thirteen children needing heart transplants being discharged today. It truly is a miracle. They must have a guardian angel.’

‘Well, Sister Astrid was wasted as a fairy dust collector.’

He was letting Nova take all the credit.

‘Well, let’s take a look at the little tadpole, shall we?’

Rumple sat down next to Belle while Dr Pond pulled the ultrasound towards her.

‘Okay. Can you lift your shirt for me, Belle?’

Belle lifted her shirt, exposing her still flat stomach. Dr Pond unstopped a bottle of gel.

‘It’ll feel a bit cold,’ Dr Pond told her, before squeezing the cool clear gel in a wavy line over her stomach. ‘And don’t panic if you don’t hear a heartbeat. It’s just early.’

With a few clicks the screen came on and she picked up the wand. This was it. For the first time since the dream they were going to see their baby. Belle didn’t know whether she felt excited or terrified. She felt Rumple take her hand.

‘Okay. Let’s take a look.’

Dr Pond set the wand on her stomach and ran along. She felt Rumple squeeze her fingers –

_In the blink of an eye Belle wasn’t in the hospital anymore. She was in the back of Rumple’s shop, her stomach swollen like a beach ball, and Rumple himself, his hair a few inches longer, at her feet lifting their newborn son in his arms that he’d caught and wrapped in his suit jacket –_

Belle gasped as she returned to the present. What just happened? Dr Pond looked round, her smile vanishing as she glanced from Rumple to Belle. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Belle?’ said Rumple anxiously. Belle’s heart flipped as it always did when Rumple used his concerned voice. She saw worry etched in his face for her and the baby. ‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you okay?’

_Another blink and Rumple and the scenery changed back to the back of the shop and his slowly growing back hair. ‘It’s okay, Belle. Everything’s going to be fine. Just breathe, my love.’_

_‘I can’t do this, Rumple,’ Belle heard herself sob through fear and pain._

_‘Yes, yes, yes you can. We can do anything.’_

_‘I’m scared.’_

_‘I know. I’m scared too, okay? I am so scared. But we can do this. Together.’_

_Rumple bent and kissed her hand he was holding in both his own. Belle’s other hand came up and rested on top of his. Her wedding ring glittered –_

Blink.

She was back in the hospital and Rumple’s hair was short again. But the look of worry remained the same. Belle didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She didn’t know how or why but she’d just seen a glimpse of the future. A future where they were together and witnessing the birth of their son.

‘I –’ Belle whispered, tears falling down her face. ‘I saw –’

‘W-what did you see?’ said Rumple confused.

But before Belle could answer, Dr Pond suddenly said, ‘There it is!’

Rumple and Belle looked up. There on the black and grey screen was a little spec the size of a peanut, but no less remarkable. That little spec was their son. New, unblemished, growing… theirs.

‘There’s your baby,’ said Dr Pond happily.

Belle squeezed Rumple’s hand back at the sight of their baby. Rumple gasped, blinking rapidly. Now he could see what Belle could see. He could feel everything as if he was really there as much as Belle could feel being nine months pregnant and in labour…

_…Rumple held his newborn son close to his heart. He pressed a kiss to his head before passing him to Belle. They smiled down at their boy. Did Milah feel this much overwhelming love when she first held Baelfire? She must have loved him… just not enough to stay…_

_…They saw them teaching their son to walk and talk. All three reading “101 Places to Go” in bed together, their son pointing at one of the pages…_

_…Rumple hugging Belle from behind while cradling her swollen belly. The Gold family walking in the woods, children’s laughter filled the air, their boy holding mummy’s hand, their darling girl holding daddy’s hand, and brother and sister holding each other’s hand in a chain of love. Rumple and Belle lifted their arms, allowing their children to swing in the air between them…_

_…They saw their children helping Belle out in the library, helping Rumple out in the shop. Teaching them to spin, dance, sword fighting. Son and daughter growing more and more beautiful, looking so much like their parents but with the best of both of them…_

_…The places they’ve been, the sites they’ve seen, the worlds they’ve saved, the adventures they had – will have – and on one such trip in the sparkling sunlit dining room of the Dark Castle Rumple twirled his wife as they danced before pulling her close and kissed. The scales peeled away, the claws vanished and a pulse of rainbow light tinged with gold shuddered out and engulfed the land, freeing Rumple from the darkness and allowing him and Belle, who was now the same age as him when he first took on the curse, to grow old at the same time. Together…_

_…And their golden years were just as happy; picnics, reading together, dancing to their favourite tune, with the occasional visit from their grownup children. Rumple leaning on his cane but also supporting his wife as he and Belle walked into their rose garden to sit in their wicker chairs to look out at the horizon. Then, lying in bed together, grey haired, faces lined, staring peacefully at each other._

_‘They’re all safe, aren’t they?’ Rumple whispered drowsily. ‘Our children… grandchildren… great-grandchildren… Everyone’s safe?’_

_‘Everyone’s safe,’ Belle assured him, equally tired, but just as content. ‘And they all send their love, Rumple. Is it time?’_

_‘I believe so.’_

_‘Thank you… for giving me the greatest adventure.’_

_‘Thank you… for being my wife.’_

_They leaned in to share one last kiss, before seemingly falling asleep, their beloved’s loving gaze the last thing they saw before embarking on their next great adventure… Eternal Love…_

In a flash, the visions faded and all they could see was the fetus son shimmering on the monitor. Rumple collapsed back in his seat, staring at the screen, reeling at what he’d seen and felt. His cheeks were wet as were Belle’s as she emerged from the visions.

‘Did – Did you see?’ Belle asked with breathless excitement.

Not trusting himself to speak without breaking down, Rumple smiled and nodded.

Unaware of what had passed between them, Dr Pond piped up, ‘Do you see that little flutter?’ They saw her indicating a shimmer in the mass of grey. ‘That’s your baby’s heartbeat. Perfectly perfect in every way.’

The knowledge that their son was healthy and thriving made it even harder for Rumple and Belle to contain their emotions, at least while Dr Pond was still present.

‘I checked your amnio results. Everything checked out. Come back in a few weeks and we may be able to tell if it’s a boy or a girl.’

Rumple and Belle beamed at each other.

‘It’s a boy,’ said Belle happily.

Dr Pond looked surprised and slightly confused at her certainty.

‘His name is… Charlie,’ said Rumple softly. The name came easily, unprompted by the flashes which hadn’t indicated the name of their future son or, apparently, their future daughter. It felt right.

‘That’s a lovely name,’ said Dr Pond, unpatronisingly. ‘Well, I’ll see if I can get you both a photo to take away and then you can be on your way. Congratulations to you both.’

When Dr Pond closed the door behind her, Belle turned to Rumple. ‘Charlie…’

‘It means “free man”,’ said Rumple.

‘It’s perfect. He can be who he wants to be; free of expectations and he’ll always have our unconditional love. Charles Gold… Charlie… little Chip – like our cup!’

‘What about a middle name?’

‘I’m…’ Belle looked embarrassed. ‘There’s one name… Gideon.’

‘Her Handsome Hero.’

‘But given how you feel about it –’

‘Without him, without your mother’s sacrifice, you never would’ve been inspired to make the deal that brought you to me. We’d be honouring Colette too. Unless you prefer Cole?’

‘Charlie Gideon has a much better ring to it.’

‘Indeed. Charlie Gideon Gold.’

‘Charlie Gideon Baelfire Gold. Everyone will remember Neal Cassidy who saved us all, but he was Baelfire first. The brother he’ll never meet. And the reason we’re all here.’

It was true. Baelfire was the reason why Rumple took on the Dark One curse to have him from the Ogres War. Baelfire was why he trained Regina to cast the Dark Curse that created Storybrooke, so that Rumple could find him again. Without Baelfire Henry would never have been born, Regina and Emma wouldn’t have their son. All the threads of their lives were linked to Baelfire.

‘It’s okay, Rumple. We’re going to be okay.’

And just like that, the hope and happiness disappeared.

Four days ago Belle didn’t want him anywhere near her because a dream told her he was going to destroy them. Now having seen a vision of a happy future together suddenly he was everything she wanted again. That was the clincher, not his actions of the past few days; smashing his foot, saving the children, his tape, not even personal history. Belle once said she had a sense about people, now she had to rely on magical artefacts and visions to form an opinion on someone. Even on those closest to her.

‘So I can breathe a sigh of relief, then?’ said Rumple heavily.

Belle’s smile faltered. ‘What?’

Rumple turned to look at her. ‘Do you really want me or am I the safe choice? What if you get another dream tomorrow saying I’m going to hurt you and suddenly us getting back together isn’t a good idea? Or the day after, and you get a vision that… I don’t know, I was really supposed to be the Saviour or something?’

He had to laugh at that. _Him_ the Saviour.

‘Belle, I don’t want my fate decided for me by visions. That was my life for three hundred years, just so I could get back to my son. It was the reason I shattered my ankle, thinking I was changing what the Seer told me, but my actions still made my son fatherless. The future isn’t fixed. The picture can change and it’s never what you think it is. There’s a difference between what _can_ be and what _will_ be. I want that future, Belle. That’s all I ever wanted. If you choose me, if you want a life with me, it’s because I’ve earned it not because this is what must happen… Do you want to be with me?’

‘All I want is a life with you, Rumple. I know it’s going to take time to get over the fights and the horrible things we did to each other. And I have my own flaws to work on. And whatever’s going on, someone wants our baby. But I know that if we try, and if we work together, listen to each other, we’ll be all right. What we both saw, that’s hope, isn’t it?’

‘I hope so. True love must be fought for, because you can never replace it.’

No one had ever matched up to Belle and he’d never tried to “get a new girl”, not when she left the Dark Castle, not after he thought she was dead, not even when Belle had banished him with nothing and she herself had taken up with someone else. If she would let him fight for her and if she still thought he was worth fighting for, what can’t they face when they’re together?

Dr Pond re-entered the room.

‘Here we go. A picture of your baby.’

Rumple took his copy.

‘No, wait, Dr Pond –’ said Belle suddenly, but stopped as she looked at the top of the picture. Rumple looked too but saw nothing but todays date and the name: _Gold, Belle_.

‘Mrs Gold?’ asked Dr Pond.

She hadn’t changed it. She still saw him as her husband. He could see the relief in her face at the surname she’d used.

‘Nevermind,’ said Belle, now staring lovingly at the dot that was Charlie.

‘Oh, Mr Gold. I’m really glad you came,’ said Dr Pond, removing something tucked under her arm. ‘I was asked to give you this.’

She handed him a big magenta card, about the size of Mary Margaret’s Welcome Home card when she was proved innocent of killing Mrs Nolan.

‘What is it?’ said Rumple bemused.

Dr Pond smiled. ‘Turn it over.’

Rumple turned the card over. In big letters was:

TO RUMPLESTILTSKIN, HERO OF THE BUTTERFLY WARD.

Below that was a drawing of Rumple dressed as Mr Gold, short haired, leaning on his cane and smiling, conjuring a glittering golden butterfly in his hand. With trembling fingers Rumple opened the card. Inside was a picture of the children from the Butterfly Ward with Sister Astrid on one side and Leroy on the other. Then he saw that the picture was moving as one the children reached behind them and each held up a large cut out of a gold heart. Then with a flick of her wand Nova sent out a shower of pink and gold stars that twinkled down and settled to form the words:

_From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you!_

And written all around the card the children had signed their names with their own message of gratitude.

Rumplestiltskin, Hero of the Butterfly Ward.

_“To Rumplestiltskin, Hero of the Ogres War!”_

Rumple stared at all the happy faces smiling up at him; even Leroy gave him an approving nod. He felt Belle touch his arm and realised he was crying again. He had never received anything like this before. Ever.

‘See,’ said Belle encouragingly. ‘They don’t believe you’re a monster. You’re a hero, Rumple.’

‘I’m not a hero,’ said Rumple, but not in the usual putdown tone he always used.

‘You are to them,’ said Dr Pond. ‘No one can be universally popular, but if one person, or thirteen children, can see you as something more, then that’s all that matters. You saved their lives, did you expect them to accept it and move on?’

At that moment her green pager made a bleep that was almost a ribbit.

‘I have to go. And thank you, Rumplestiltskin. You’ll be a wonderful father.’

‘Thank you,’ said Rumple in voice barely above a whisper.

Dr Pond left to answer her page. Rumple looked down again at his Thank You card, tracing the words, a warm feeling spreading through his heart.

‘You okay?’ said Belle.

‘I’m just not used to that,’ said Rumple.

‘Positive feedback?’

‘People treating me as an equal, despite my reputation.’

‘That’s good, isn’t it? It’s not just my bias; others see the good in you too. You showed them.’

‘That’s not why I did it. I –’

‘I know. You did it because you were there and you knew you could help. To stop other fathers and mothers feeling this pain.’ She rested his hand on his heart, over the hole where Baelfire had been ‘You even gave Nova her chance to shine.’

‘As I said, she was wasted as a fairy dust collector.’

Belle smiled. ‘You like her.’

Rumple shrugged. ‘She’s tolerable,’ he mumbled.

‘You like her! She’s a fairy and you like her!’

‘It was unfair of me to condemn an entire species just because a few of them are evil. We’re hardly a pure race. I’ll reserve my hatred to those who have directly wronged me. Reul Ghorm. And my mother.’

‘So. What happens now?’

Rumple looked at her. ‘No hopes. No expectations. No promises. No stringing along. No pressure. Let’s just take each day as it comes. All that matters is our son. And if someone is trying to hurt him, turning us against each other, keeping us apart will be the easiest way to get to him. Let’s not play into their hands.’ He swallowed. ‘You’ll be returning to the docks then.’

‘No,’ said Belle at once. ‘I haven’t been back there since. It’s too dangerous. And sea sickness plus morning sickness doesn’t mix. And apparently I snore.’

‘Ah, I wonder how Saint Jones convinced Miss Swan to let him move in. The sympathy vote.’

‘Let’s go home.’ Belle slid off the bed

Rumple leaned on his crutch as he got up. ‘You can drop me off at the shop. I can pick up the car when my leg’s –’

‘45 Shady Maple Lane.’

Rumple froze. She was taking them home. _Their_ home. Together.

‘You’re sure?’

‘I’m sure.’

‘I’ll sleep in the spare room.’

‘You’ll sleep in your own bed. Our bed. With me.’

‘I don’t expect you to.’

Belle reached into her pocket and took out her wedding ring. She placed it on the ring finger of her right hand. ‘I know you said no promises, but this is mine to you. Me and you? It’s never off the table. Just so we’re clear.’

Rumple nodded, a flicker of relief passing across his face. ‘Do you, um… do you still like hamburgers?’

Belle smiled. ‘Yes, of course.’

‘I thought maybe…’ He didn’t dare voice the fear that everything they’d gone through might have put her off them. ‘Pregnancy can alter taste perception…’

‘I love them,’ she assured him. ‘In fact… lately I have a real craving for them.’

‘We never got that hamburger date, did we? At least, not one that didn’t get interrupted by some big disaster. If our baby needs you to consume your weight in burgers? Then I’m happy to satisfy your cravings, however unconventional.’

‘Sardines dipped in chocolate?’ Belle suggested.

Rumple smiled. ‘With a blob of ice cream sprinkled with jelly beans and hundreds and thousands.’

Belle laughed. ‘Oh gods,’ she groaned, hugging her stomach, ‘I’m going to get so big you won’t want to touch me.’

Rumple smiled, limping closer and took her lovingly by the elbows. ‘Your body is changing because you’re carrying our baby inside of you. You’re creating new life, Belle. There’s nothing more beautiful. You’re beautiful.’ His eyes shone with tears of sincerity. Belle could get as big a boat or shrink to the size of Thumbelina and Rumple would still see her as the most beautiful woman in the world. ‘Don’t hide yourself away. And I promise, anyone who dares call you fat… I’ll give them girth.’

Belle laughed.

‘Hamburger buffet? My treat.’

‘Deal.’

They would have hamburgers at Granny’s. They would work out the rest later. One day at a time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That Drizella line summed up really. This version of Belle seemed to setting herself, Rumple and Gideon to the standards of Her Handsome Hero.
> 
> Lily Pond – I like phrases that sound like names (Catherine Wheel, Paige Turner, Tea “Theodora” Potts etc). Animals were brought over during the curse too. Mr Dove was Rumple’s dove, why not a frog?
> 
> Lily’s necklace was inspired by ‘The Worst Witch: All at Sea’
> 
> Charlie’s name you’ll remember from ‘Twice Upon a Dream’ with the addition of Baelfire. stillsearching47 pointed out its meaning “free man” which I hadn’t noticed, so that was a wonderful accident. Their daughter Lucy… I think we were all hoping for a daughter to begin with, or were certainly disappointed that Rumple and Belle never had more children. 
> 
> The TLK we deserved – no fairy prophecy, no Belle death and withholding information from Rumple, and done when the time was right and Rumple was ready and wanted to break the curse, not a deal-breaker or ultimatum for them to be together.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2: Rumbelle sonogram and what Rumple did…
> 
>  
> 
> _Rumple’s tape side A_ :
> 
> Sleep Well by Murdoch Maclean
> 
> Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
> 
>  
> 
> _Rumple’s tape side B_ :
> 
> One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII By Pablo Neruda 
> 
> A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns
> 
> Bonnie = beautiful  
> Gang = to go


End file.
